It's been a month since my last post. I've been busy thinking of a lot of things; I've been thinking of the convention, and why I was put in the socials committee, and why the heck am I so lazy about doing my job. I don't want to organize the event, I want to be a STAR in it. I've also been thinking of my failure of a love life... I'm still NBSB and I don't know if I'm really okay with it... ahaha.. It's funny sometimes when I actually think of the times when younger guys almost courted me, but I stopped them even before they began. I am desperately not in need of younger suitors. I have reasons that maybe no one would completely understand; it's on the level of the reasoning of why gay people and lesbians are not attracted to the opposite sex. Like the way they admire the beauty of those opposite them, but do not like to be with these opposites, I come to admire people younger than I, but do not like to be with these younger guys intimately. See how complex life is?

I'm almost graduating, and yet all I think about are auditions that are not advertised, and I don't know if they'd ever come again. All I think about are times when I could finally be part of what I really dream to be. People may not actually find it as a usual dream for an academic achiever like myself, because maybe what they expect me to be part of are big companies and that I'm working behind large desks with lots of paperwork... That's not me... I'm more of a hands-on worker... No matter how others may actually really see me, I just really want to be an actress...

"...not a star, be a bigger influence... I want to be complete"
-- Sam Lloyd Milby,
Centrum Commercial

Yes, I want to be an actress, and through this dream, I want to be complete....