I thought I was already okay having not seen you for such a long time that it felt like decades had passed before me. Tonight, I proved myself wrong. The mere sight of your shadow still haunts me deep inside. I guess I wasn't that strong to face you yet; I just needed more time to heal myself because of my own foolishness.

You never pained me at all at any time. It's just every time I feel you're around, I remember that you had always been with me and I was just very used to you being by my side all the time; I hoped so much that I'd be happy like that time again.

Now, I don't find it helpful to feel for you as I did before; I just wish everything went back to how it used to be. I wish I didn't need to try to revert it back to how it was... I wish everything else that happened just didn't take place so that the now we have wouldn't be as painful for me as it is at it's current condition. I know it's really my choice to just think that nothing actually changed, but I guess I just can't lie to myself that I had been stupid enough to have felt that way; and stupid enough that I still can't get over it. I still can't get over the foolishness of feeling for you at all which caused such crazy notions of friction between us no matter how invisible it is when we're together.

I have always been worrisome, neurotic even. I just wish I'd stop worrying and start living normally again; not feeling any anxiety at all when I happen to glance at your shadow once again. I wish I were just back to how I was.

I keep telling myself this and yet I still don't stop. Someday.... I will be able to breathe deeply without inhibitions or worries. When that time times comes, everything will be normal again. I'd be smiling genuinely again... someday.