I woke up in the middle of the night because of a mind boggling event that had happened in my life before. Up until now, it keeps on popping up in my memory. Is it because bitterness wants to spring out or is it just because I just can't figure out what was so wrong with me? Being told by someone that they survived their life in a far away place because of someone else hurts because it means that you were nothing than a mere shadow in their life when you had been giving it your all in all those moments that person needed you. You tend to question whether you ever mattered at all, in any instance in the life that person had seemingly shared with you; was it even shared, or was I merely a figment of that person's imagination or even yours?

How would you regard the event of meeting that person then when you had given so much love, yet in the longest time you realize that you were just a passing joke; the entertainment when that person needed to forget the pain and the burden of the feeling of betrayal? How many questions would you need to ask to finally get the concrete answer? When will you be able to refuse believing that you were special? You might have not lost a hundred men when you gained one friend, but you lost yourself. Which is more insulting then? Losing everyone? Or waking up in the morning realizing that you might as well not exist to live every single passing day, because whatever you do, wherever you look, you feel like you're worthless and you're nothing despite of the self esteem you have saved so much in the past.

Do you know how it feels to be the biggest April's Fool of 2008?