2010 has finally come and 2009 - gone. I was just thinking how I had spent it, and thinking how I survived it. 2009 was the greatest roller coaster ride of my life... so far. Maybe because this was the year I decided to just be on my own, finally, and just live my life the way I wanted to, or maybe it just was meant to be. Either way, I could really say I don't regret any of it.

2009 was a long year, I could say. I could still recall it starting, its plot thickening, the climax happening and the end approaching. It was a year of mixed emotions, mixed signals and mixed companions. At its end, I could finally say, first hand, that learning about life isn't easy.

As I set off to my journey in life as an individual, I never knew I'd be crying so much; I never knew I could learn so much about myself the hard way. I realized that so much of me was missing, so much was kept away. So, when the time came that I needed to do something about my life, it turned into a mess. Not once, not twice, but so much more than I expected. One mess after solving another; trouble just kept on branching out, and I thought it was going to be endless. One time I was happy, the next I found myself sleeping on the floor with my pillows around me, as if comforting me against my sorrows. The pain never stopped, and when I thought it was over, a greater pain arrived. It was almost as if the world was against me; conniving to take the best of me away, until insanity overpowered me; but I couldn't give up, I had to prove to myself that I could be a stronger me for myself. I kept asking myself when the madness would end, but it soon struck be that madness would only exist if I allow it. Selfish as it may sound, but I had to think of myself first before thinking of others; it was all the solution I could think of to be able to exist again - sanely- with others; it was, however, inevitable to multitask - to balance reflection and interaction. I had to act okay, even if I wasn't. Sympathy wasn't what I needed that time, instead I craved for support, for encouragement. I got, disappointment there, mostly from the people I thought would unconditionally be there for me; fortunately, I had others to keep me company. I never had the chance to stand still, to just stop and "recharge" . I had to work, I had to earn and I NEEDED to live. I passed through all those pain, not without aid, but with companions; not without injury, but with scars to help me remember to choose well; and a realization that not with pride, but with humility will I be able to live with others for others to live with me, as well.

I had started a new chapter even before the year ended, I've already traveled more than a quarter of it. Disappointments still come from the people I've expected them from; but, like I said... I still NEED to live.


Now we experience another sunset in our lives, so we can prepare much better for the sunrise to come.