I can't believe it went this far, and now I finally don't know what to do. I'm faced with either needing you more or letting you go. If not either one, then I don't think my sanity could stand it any longer.
For a few days now, I find myself lost in thought, just staring at an empty vision. At night, I lie awake, just hoping that when I do sleep, that I wouldn't wake up anymore. Everything is just too much already, and I have given up. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel; I just want to disappear forever. Some nights, I grab a hold of Mr. Jang, and I try convincing myself that everything will be fine; that everything will just turn out okay, then I turn to my side to sleep. When I wake up, nothing changes... nothing changes at all. Everything just feels empty; like there's nothing to lose and at the same time, there's nothing to gain. I look for ways to distract myself, but each day that passes all that remains are a few TV Series, papers to read and water to drink. Not even my studies cause much stress anymore. All I feel, if that even is a legitimate feeling, is hopelessness. I could say everything feels numb, yet everything around me is just pain. So much pain, that even physical beating cannot accrue to its equivalent. Nothing just feels right; nothing matters at all.
I don't know how long this would take; I don't even know the cure. I feel like talking it out may help; but, in all honesty, I really could not ascertain. All I know is.... I want out... Of everything.
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at 8:34 AM
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